Transitions are hard. I’m not talking about the English language kind of transitions, or a “momentary modulation from one key to another” in music, or even the physical change of an atom from one quantum state to while emitting or absorbing radiation. I am talking, of course, about life transitions, the hardest and least understood form of transitions.
This week I have been helping my father, Samuel Knox Eaton Jr., move out of his office building (he’s been there for 26 years) and into a new law office as he begins to wind down his private practice to prepare for retirement. I helped him pack up decades worth of trinkets, badges, notes, books, and pictures. He had a powdered wig, books on tape, his shingle, amazing Japanese sketches, and the Cherry desk of a famous, controversial historical figure. We also recycled the hundreds and hundreds of volumes in the law library. Sadly nobody needs them anymore, they have the internet… and Westlaw.
I think transitions are scary because there’s a fear that either “side” could fall out from underneath us without a moment’s notice. What if my new job rescinds their offer? What if I can’t move into that new apartment? What if nobody else will ever love me? What if… what if… what if. Fear and apprehension lead us to step lightly, the perception of decision making while not fully committing to either side. It’s relatively safe, but ultimately cowardly. Sadly, I feel I’ve lived that way for a while now.
The summer camps are over, and now there’s a significant amount of uncertainty in my future, where I’ll be living and what I’ll be doing for work. My savings account is rapidly depleting and so is my “welcome” at home. My job search has been relatively fruitless. This feeling of uncertainty is not something I’m familiar with… or something I’m good at coping with for that matter. All of my possessions are stacked in my parent’s game room. I don’t even know what I’m doing for the Fourth of July and that’s in three days!
The key to surviving transitions is to continue working through them. The worst case scenario for my dad is that the cases stop coming in and he retires early (but everybody knows that’s not gonna happen). That confidence makes his transition a little less stressful and the speed bumps a tad less jarring (like the telephones being shut off early). Unfortunately, I don’t have that luxury but for some reason, I’m relatively calm about the whole thing. I’m still working hard on my passion projects. I’m producing Ben’s podcast and today we’ll be announcing another show on the Mystery Tin Podcast Network. I’m writing and creating art every day, all while continuing to search for new opportunities. And I am sure that the right job will come around, but until then, I’m not allowing myself to get down about my new found stasis. I just need to keep moving forward.
Accordingly, you’ll probably see more activity from me on here. I hope you don’t mind.